Traveling With Baggage

We need SEGREGATION in our airports…



I had an epiphany while standing in line to go through airport security the other day.  I had taken everything out of my pockets and put them inside my backpack.  No belt. No shoes.  No watch. No unauthorized liquids or lotions in my carry on.  I know what I am and what I’m not allowed to bring with me on an airplane.  I begin to survey my surroundings and my fellow travelers and realize I haven’t moved in almost 10 minutes.  What the fuck is going on, people?  I see the culprit.  An elderly couple trying to bring a two-liter bottle of Pepsi with them.  I get they’re old and might not be aware of the restrictions and guidelines, seeing as they probably started flying when Howard Hughes was just making ‘pictures.’  But did they really need to argue and tell everyone how stupid it is they aren’t allowed to bring soda on the plane.  I think to myself, ‘You picked the wrong fucking line.’  But I look to my right and saw the exact same thing happening.  This time a middle aged guy had his full sized tube of toothpaste confiscated.  The lane next to the toothpaste-guy, was a hippie-stoner-type girl who had her cigarette lighter taken away.  And then it me.


We need SEGREGATION in the airport!


I don’t know if I need to start a petition, or who I need to vote for, or if I need to start a hashtagging Twitter campaign, or a Kickstarter account, but we need segregation in our airports and we need it now.  I’m not talking about the racial segregation which was so popular in the dim dark ages of the 1960’s and many years prior.  Black, White, Asian, Latino, blah, blah, blah. I could care less. Logistically it doesn’t make sense.  I can already hear some milky-white-guy using the excuse, ‘My great great grandmother went to China once’ in order to jump the line.  Myself, I’m pretty much a mutt, so deciding what security line to go through based solely on my race, would bring up a much bigger Zoolanderean question, ‘Who am I?’

I’m not even talking about gender segregation either.  Creating lines for males, females, and other.  Or even age segregation. That won’t make a difference either. It really won’t.  It would just cause more confusion.   What we need is one line for people with brains that understand the rules and one line for people with no concept of the rules or just don’t care.  Plain and simple.  There’s no reason for all of us to mingle together.  Getting our clean hands dirty.  Why should the capable traveler be stuck behind the people trying to take live ammunition aboard their flight to Jacksonville, Florida?  I would say we should have a minimum IQ requirement to fly the friendly sky’s, but I’ve met a multitude of smart people who have no brains.  So that wouldn’t work.  I think we should just resign ourselves to the fact that we are surrounded by people who are idiots.


It’s like the Walking Dead of stupidity and we all might be screwed.


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