Potato-flavored-sawdust-chips, but I love them!

Now with 80% more sawdust!

Now with 80% more sawdust!

Baked Lay’s is like eating an Ikea dresser in ‘Chip’ form…

Dear Baked Lay’s

 

 

You are literally the best fake-potato-paper-cardboard-snack EVER! I really do like you. I truly do. I always pick you over Original Lays, your older more popular sibling at Subway. You might not actually be healthier, but you’ve got that crunch appeal. What can I say?

 

You’re my go-to during hung-over trips to the grocery store on Sundays. You, or any one of your baked brethren truly. Original. BBQ. Sour Cream and Cheddar…with ridges! I even get down on the Cheeto’s and Dorito’s every so often. Although I’m not completely sold on those orange triangles. I can’t tell if I really like them or if they have a weird after taste of eating Styrofoam.

 

I’m sorry you have such a bad rap from the general public. They treat you like the ugly and/or fat girl they hookup with and want to pretend that it never happened. Just a one-time thing. A drunken one nightstand when there were no other options. I’ve even seen people choose Sun-chips over you. I’d rather eat a thong worn by Jonah Hill when he used to work out than have to eat one Sun-chip let alone a bag of Sun-chips. Well, Baked Lay’s, you are my only option. You are the fat and/or ugly girl I hooked up with who is now my girlfriend, and we’re too embarrassed to tell everyone how we really got together, so we made up a story that we met at Whole Food’s.

 

People really don’t get you. They don’t know that you’re more than just a Pringle only flatter and healthier. If potato starch can be healthy. I like to grind you up in a food processor and make breadcrumbs out of you. Then I keep you safe in a Ziploc bag or in a Tupperware container if I can find the lid. Anything that calls for breadcrumbs I’ll use you instead. BBQ flavor for chicken fingers. Original flavor I’ll add to meatballs. I’ve been meaning to try Baked Cheetos on top of Mac and Cheese and then brown it under the broiler.

 

You have my heart and I don’t see anything coming between us. Unless of course this recipe is good, homemade Baked Lay’s, then you’re getting dropped like the bad habit you really are. But if I were to replace you with a version concocted in my kitchen laboratory, then I’d feel like Dr. Frankenstein or some weird dude who builds his own girlfriend with pieces of old mannequins. (Ed. Note: The blog is actually pretty cool. Very estrogen-y but has some very useful recipes and good ideas for home life.)

 

Either way, I have a feeling homemade Baked Lay’s may just be another one-nightstand for me. They might be better than the real thing, however in the end, hot chicks are always high maintenance and aren’t worth the time.

 

You’ll always be my fat and/or ugly chick.

 

Best,

 

 

Rick Scott

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Potato-flavored-sawdust-chips, but I love them!

  1. Oh my goodness, you are hilarious! The homemade ones really are delicious, but you’re right that you won’t always want “high maintenance chicks.”
    I don’t know why Baked Lay’s aren’t more popular either… you’re right they’re like flat pringles. Who wouldn’t like flat pringles?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s