Making Life More Palatable

Taco Bell and a SPAM musubi...Breakfast of Hungover Champions

Taco Bell and a SPAM musubi…Breakfast of Hungover Champions

Taco Bell is the nectar of the God’s!

 

This list is completely biased against drunk people at 2am or hungover people at 10am!

 

I guaran-goddamn-tee you this list would be completely different if the ‘writer,’ or ‘researcher,’ or whatever you want to call this ‘journalist,’ ( I think I just ran out of quotations because I used so many) was either hungover or still drunk when they wrote this.  There is no way Taco Bell could be the second worst fast food, because every time the bars let out, and I order a Mexican Pizza or Cheesy Gordita Crunch (that was my nickname back in high school) I see God.  I’m not just talking about Allah, or Yaweh, or Buddah, I’m talking about all the God’s, ever known.  Zeus is there grinding on a Grilled Stuffed Burrito.  All the Woodland Nymphs are getting down on Doritos Locos Tacos.  All the Hindu God’s are arguing over who get’s what in the Party-Pak.  It’s a symphony…and that’s just at night.

 

Don’t even get me started on the AM Crunchwrap!  It’s like Goya’s Saturn Devouring His Son.

 

My drunk/hungover self couldn’t pass a field sobriety test to save my life, because all my motor function are hampered from ample amounts of Bourbon and cheap beer.  But there is no doubt my taste is heightened to otherworldly levels.  You know the saying when someone has one of their senses taken away, the others are heightened?  Well, when I’m stumbling from a night of drinking, everything is shut down except for my sense of smell and my sense of taste.  And this puts me in the rarefied air among the Mount Rushmore of food critics.  Alan Richman, Frank Bruni, and that kid from the cereal commercial in the 70’s or 80’s.

 

Although when it comes down to it, I really do dislike critics of any sort, which is probably why I always end up hating myself in the morning.

 

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