A nice dinner can be the beginning of a beautifully long night…or a short night…it happens to everyone I’ve been told…but either way, a good meal can get you laid!
Dear, Valentines Day Dinner
As Jeffrey Dahmer or Guy Fieri once said, “The quickest way to a man’s heart, is through his stomach.” And that may be true, but what about the ladies? Don’t you gals like to eat? Guys can’t be the only ones who relate good food and drink, to love and sex, right? And the answers to those rhetorical questions is, ‘Duh.’ If food and drink wasn’t such a big deal than why are you so paramount to having a successful February 14th. When it comes down to it, man, woman, gay, or straight, we all appreciate a good screw — driver at brunch. And who doesn’t love a huge bone — in porterhouse. And don’t get me started about pastrami, the most sensual of the salted cured meats.
I won’t pretend or even attempt to vocalize a woman’s point view, because I will never truly know. B
ut that doesn’t mean I can’t talk about the two things I do have some experience with. Namely being a guy (I’ve been one most my life) and working in the food industry. In restaurants, there are a few key nights that guarantee higher levels of stress and lacerations. One of those nights is Valentine’s Day. Either you’re balling on a budget and making dinner at home. Or you’re dropping loot and frantically trying to book a reservation at the best restaurant available on your Open Table App.
You are really the most important V-Day of all-time (sorry World War II buffs, but it’s true) and a successful dinner is an integral part in possibly storming the beach at the end of the night or sitting in a foxhole by your self. You choose a bad bistro and a bunk bottle of Beaujolais, and get ready for the ‘I’m Tired’ bomb to be dropped. But if you get a table at the restaurant your Valentine has been dying to try, then there’s a real chance you could be recreating the famous Eisenstaedt photo before you even get to the table. (That’s the one with the sailor kissing the nurse in the street)
Cooking in kitchens, you get used to working on all the holidays the rest of the world get off and even though you’d much rather be with your loved ones (i.e. Pretzel Bread Hot Pocket) you do it for the greater good. Now, I didn’t always have these holier-than-thou thoughts, but one year while working the line on Valentine’s I had an epiphany. People are going to go home and have sex after eating the food we made tonight. Some may make babies with the appetizer I made still somewhere in their lower intestine. It was one of the most rewarding experiences I’ve had in a kitchen. (It’s the little things in life) I realized cooks are basically the gastronomic equivalent to Barry White, or Tom Jones, or whatever the kids do it to these days…Bruno Mars, is that a thing?
The bottom line is, food’s real life correlation to the feeling of love is undeniable. I’m sure Fred Flintstone bought those brontosaurus ribs because of his undying love for Wilma. And Wilma wasn’t mad about her car being totaled because she had 150lbs of organic grass-fed ribs to eat. And Patrick Bateman was always striving to get that table at Dorsea because of his love of…Okay, bad example. What I’m getting at here is that it’s never too early to start planning for you. Because as it turns out, the path to ANY persons heart…is through their stomach.
You’re the best and thanks for always making sure I have a date on Valentine’s Day… even though it involves me sweating my balls off for 14 hours with 10 other people… and not in a good way.